— Jeanne Ray (via shetakesflight)
I’m just saying that when your paycheck is fixed but your life is not, one month you could be living in excess and the next, part of your roof could be sitting on the kitchen floor waiting for you to get it repaired (which has happened). Or the boiler could stop working in the middle of winter and you might have to shell out thousands to get it replaced (which has also happened).
I want a future for myself where that will never be a reality for me again. Within that desire, a prison is created. I don’t feel free to dream sometimes. I question myself often. I do not want to be a failure. I do not want to turn the corner of this labyrinthine life and find that I have reached an impenetrable wall. I do not want to have to retrace my steps and start over. This fear makes it difficult for me to move forward with vigor. The artistic endeavors in my life are better identified with start and stop, jerking movements. This is probably just as bad as not moving at all, because sometimes, during moments like this one, I find myself evaluating signs of growth and sometimes finding that there aren’t too many."